I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
