I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
