Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
