Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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