My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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