before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
