some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
