That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
