Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
