addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You are the jesus of drinking
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
