a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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