Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
