PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i need some magic done to my vagina
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
