After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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