I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
