Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
