In the future we'll all be gay
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
