if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
