I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
