Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I need to wash the frat house off of me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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