kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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