thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
