I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
