Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
