i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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