My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
