you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
