i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
