Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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