If i come over, it means nothing
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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