I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
