I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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