I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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