Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
