Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
