When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
