My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
