The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
