when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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