I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
