It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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