So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think pants incapable of making pants work
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
