and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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