just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
