Will you blow on my dice?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
