Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
