Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
