Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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