You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
