Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
