the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
