I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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