I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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