Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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