Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
