I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
