Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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