man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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