my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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